Here we are. Writing, journaling, a little poetry action? All your thoughts out there for the world to view. Standing naked in front of a crowd, all of you out in the open, vulnerable. Kind of scary. But millions of people do it everyday, themselves with no mask on. Write what they feel, want, believe. I always thought if everyone else could do it, why can’t I? Seems so silly to even write about it. Some part of me has always been scared to even try. Maybe because I cared too much of what people thought. Maybe because I didn’t want to feel watched and have my feelings on display. Maybe I was just too scared and embarrassed.
But as you grow, something weirdly wonderful happens, you start to just really not give a fuck anymore. Mostly about what people think of you and your opinions. I’m almost 30, and it has taken me almost 30 years to start not caring about things that really don’t matter. That’s actually kind of sad. I’ve always envied the people around me who were who they were and did and said what they wanted and had no care in the world for who judged them. However, when you struggle with anxiety for most of your young adult life, caring about what others think takes over your brain. So maybe I’m just coping with it better now? Or maybe I’m just learning what others already achieved, being your own person?
Whatever it is, it feels really fucking good. Not that I’m completely cured of my disease of worrying but I’ve made it this far as to blog out my mind. And why start now? Well I’ve always wanted to keep a blog, so I’m starting a late year resolution? Perhaps I’m sick of writing in my journal, and maybe need a new kind of perspective as I write. Or Probably because I’m such a loner nowadays with being a stay at home mom that I need something to talk to, even if it’s myself on a webpage.
So, Hello World. Cheers!